Bullying
3:15
Bullying
Sadly there has been an increasing amount of stories concerning bullying. What is the definition of bullying?
Well one definition describes it as the intimidation of a weaker person: the process of intimidating or mistreating somebody weaker or in a more vulnerable situation
Unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated over and over.
Last October was the month to help raise awareness against bullying and it was great to read, see and hear so many people step up and acknowledge this vast growing issue many young people in our schools and communities have to face. Unfortunately many continue to experience what must feel like a living hell as they continue to be bullied. 
Hopefully this piece will to let them know that their plight has not been forgotten as society moves on to some other topic of the day.
Bullying has always existed
Yes bullying has always been an issue that each generation of our society can remember. Those of you from my generation (Baby Boomers) and older remember the dreadful feeling of 3:15pm. 3:15pm was the time of day when school was done and if you had the misfortune of crossing a bully’s path you were struck with the threat that you were going to get it at 3:15pm so from the time you received this dreaded news until the minute hand of the clock sealed your doom; it was all you thought about during your day. Everyone in the class knew of your fate and it seemed all eyes and whispers were on you or about you but one of the big differences in today’ world is where we ‘were tormented at school and could retreat (run) to the sanctity of our home the bullying can continues as a full running twenty-four hour cycle on the internet. This is known as Cyber Bullying.
What is Cyber Bullying? Cyber Bullying is when the bully uses the internet to targets their victims through electronics such as computers, tablets, cell phones, emails and social media sites and, chat rooms. Many school age kids face the relentless torment the internet can bring.
Back in the day we were bullied yes but it was relegated to mostly the classroom or the community of the school.
Here is an example I of what a child in my youth may have experienced.
Someone has written a note saying something nasty about you.
Let’s say the student took that note and passed it to the classmate behind them who then did the same and so on and so on until all eyes in the class had seen it (Excluding you and the teacher). A class size can be of 28 to 30 kids all whispering to one another while looking at you.
How would you feel?
This amount of people being privy to negative comments about someone may affect the way a person feels. They may become self conscious or too embarrassed to face their peers. Now take that situation and multiply it by ten to a hundred and then a thousand. How about one million? Maybe now you understand how quickly something that started at school or in the class room can spread through cyber bullying. The bullying never seems to end leaving the person who is a victim with the feeling of no escape.
Doesn’t that sound frightening?
Just imagine what this must do to a child’s emotions and mental stability.
This sounds like such a helpless feeling to have.
Coping with cyber bullying is most difficult because the bully’s only visibility is from the cruel words that appear on your computer screen from the page feeds or text messages to your phone. Another form of cyber bullying comes when some teens fall victim by sexting photos to a boyfriend or girlfriend.
The person reaction after an argument or break up could be negative and they decide to be vindictive by posting the pictures on the internet to embarrass the person. Cyber bully’s can hide behind screen names and it can be just about impossible to track down the culprit. It’s very disturbing that at the flick of a button on a keyboard can destroy someone’s life.
The laws are not always clear as to the consequences cyber bullies might face.
Some people opinions are to say don’t go on social media or don’t answer or look at your phone.
You are asking a teenager in this day and age to cut themselves off from the world they know. Most teens feel they cannot exist without their technology.
Sometimes it is there only escape to relax and be social.
Imagine how they must feel to not even have what the internet provides most teens? For most teens the internet is their connection to the outside world.
Victims of bullying tend to withdraw and become so depressed with feelings of being alone and hated by their peers that sometimes it results in the taking of life.
It may be of their own or someone else’s, sometimes both.
There were recent accounts of school shootings said to be that of students who may have been victims bullying. Even adults can be victims. Just a few months ago in the news there was reports of a professional football player in Miami finally succumbing to the stress and pressure of being bullied by a fellow teammate. It had gotten so bad he left the team under duress.
Bullying is a wide spread problem within our society; anyone can become a victim. Bullies can be of any size it not always someone who appears bigger or stronger.
It is too bad and very sad that it must come to such an extreme cry out for help from victims that enough is enough before the public will pay attention.
Seek the help of your Parents
The first line of defense should be going to your parents. Children should be able to trust that a parent will know how to deal with the situation.
It is a courageous step to take by coming forth they deserve full attention and empathy to their situation.
The victims and witnesses of bullying should be applauded and commended for standing up and speaking out against any acts of bullying. It’s a good first step but the efforts must be persistent because sometimes the problem does not always go away that simply, sure it may die down but it may resurface after some attention has been taken off the bully and the victim. It is important to check in with the victim to be certain the bullying issues have been resolved.
There are some parents that tell their kids to stand up to the bully and usually the bully will back down. I understand that it is age old philosophy to tell your child to fight back or in other words “punch the bully out”. Unfortunately that does not work for every child or teen being bullied.
Your child may be suspended from school for assaulting another student or classmate and it’s hard to make an argument to the school administration if the only punch seen being thrown by a school official was from your child. Sometimes it’s the wrong kid being punished because they are seen as the aggressor.
Your child may not have or want to display aggressive behavior as a way to resolve the issue. They may be too afraid. Instead ask them what he or she would they like to do about the situation. Talk about how to stay safe and who they might go to at school for help.
As Parents we tend to sometimes draw from what we have experienced which is okay but you must take into account that you are not the one this is happening to. It’s best to hear your child out and handle it as an adult and not as the child in you. I know that can be hard for some of us but please try to use some restraint from advocating more violence.
(Later we will talk about school protocol in dealing with problems with other students)
Some parents might say just ignore it and it will go away.
If only it were that simple.
Who is likely to be a target for bullies?
LGBT Youth
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) youth and those perceived as LGBT are at an increased risk of being bullied.
Children with disabilities or other special health needs may be at higher risk of being bullied.
- Youth of different ethnicity, race or national origin may be targeted for bullying.
- Youth of different faiths or religion may also be subjected to bullying.
How do the schools handle the situation?
Being able to stand up to a bully also has a lot to do with who stands up in support of you.
Most schools were at a lost as to how they should deal with bullying. Sometimes the victim may feel even more victimized by the lack of empathy and action from their parents or school officials. Imagine you were a student reporting an incident about bullying to a parent, teacher or a principal only to be met with them asking: “did you do or say anything that might have caused this”? The child is trying to tell you they are being picked on and you ask what did you do? This type of reaction does nothing to encourage that they can expect to get help from the school or any adult. A better response might be I’m sorry I’m glad you are telling me this today. Has this happened before or how long has this been going on?
School districts should have a formal chain of procedure in dealing with issues that involve bullying. (Check your state in regards for policies dealing with bullyinghttp://www.stopbullying.gov/laws/index.html).
The school may choose to contact the student’s parents and inform them of the situation. They might provide conflict mediation between the students involved. The problem does not always go away that simply, sure it may die down but it may resurface after some attention has been taken off the bully and the victim. When things persist the bully may be suspended and could be expelled from school. The victim might be removed from class or have changes made to their school schedule. Being removed from their classroom community and placed in an isolating learning condition may feel more like punishment for being bullied. Taking the student who is the victim out of what should be a normal and safe environment and placing them in something of a quarantine environment does little to promote positive feelings. This may only reinforce what being bullied has done to a person’s self esteem. Victims may suffer from the feeling of weakness and a sense of helplessness.
What might make someone become a bully?
There may be many reasons as to why one chooses to bully someone.
Experts in sociology, those in the profession ofpsychologyand others in the mental health community have their theories and diagnosis as to the many reasons someone bully’s. They may be or have been bullied themselves. They may be witness to violent abusive behavior in their home environment; others may have feelings of isolation from their peers, anxiousness and low self esteem.
Witnessing or being a victim of abusive behavior can be how they learn to deal with any type of disputes or gain acceptance even if it’s through intimidation and domination.
They can also be well connected with their pears and concerned with popularity. They seek to dominate or act as a leader of others.
To read more about those who bully visit:http://www.stopbullying.gov/at-risk/factors/index.html#morelikely
Take into consideration that victims of bullying are not even aware of why this is happening. They may not have had any prior contact with the person that’s bullying them. They may feel it’s their fault because this is what is being said in some way verbally. Ex. You don’t fit in or you are ugly; being called stupid or odd are all things deflating to a person’s self esteem.
No one deserves to be bullied and abused young people should not live in torment and fear at school home or online. There is a movement of growing support in the prevention/intervention of bullying.
Parents and family members can do this simply by asking their child how was your day at school? Take notice of changes in your child or family member’s behavior and or demeanor.
Hopefully kids of all ages being bullied will come to know that they are not alone and there is help available.
Let’s continue to help raise awareness not just one month out of the year but all throughout the year.
Where can someone go for help?
There are a few available websites where anyone who is a victim of bullying or would like more information can visit.
- Mission
- StopBullying.gov provides information from various government agencies on what bullying is, what cyber bullying is, who is at risk, and how you can prevent and respond to bullying.
- www.itgetsbetter.org
- The It Gets Better Project’s mission is to communicate to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth around the world that it gets better, and to create and inspire the changes needed to make it better for them.
Written By: Larry D. Miller
Labels: Bullying, Children, Classroom, families, Family, Friends, Help, Kids, School Bullies, School Children, Self Help, Teachers
posted by lmiller @ 12:32 AM
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